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The Gherkin Home Page


This site is dedicated to the preservation of the Gherkin civilization as originally discovered by Professor Quincy B. Dodd earlier last century.  The Gherkins were a pre-historical civilization that, for reasons known only to Q. B. Dodd, disappeared on a Monday at 9:39 AM some 5000 years ago. 

The following are some samples of the types of material that the Professor has uncovered in his searches for the origin and philosophies of the Gherkins.  These quotes, originally written by burning into the inside of Yak hides, were found to be hanging above what the Professor called ' the ruins of some sort of peeing trough' in the latrine Gherkin Armory. The purpose, according to the Professor, can only be to motivate and guide a Gherkin through life's pit falls. But then that's another story.  The plaques have been translated by the Professor and transcribed here for all to benefit from.  The Professor has consented to provide more fascinating facts  on this misfortunate dead civilization. 

Never a week goes by that another 'find' is  not delivered from the field for all to enjoy. 

Respectfully submitted, The Gorsch Team

(The following note of explanation accompanied the crate with the original Yak hides when delivered to the collection.)

"In the Gherkin society all persons have their position or station in life added as a suffix to their proper name.  This convention is adhered to at anytime the name is bespoke or transcribed.  The suffix is indication of the current state of the named.  Therefore "King Roland the Dead", although alive at the time of the utterances but, being now dead describes the condition of Roland at the time that the scribe, Balloaf the Scribbler transcribed his words down on Yak hides for posterity.." Q. B. Dodd


Famous Gherkin Quotes

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’re safe.”

“The obvious can be deceiving in it’s simplicity.”

“Time waits for no one unless you forget to wind the clock.”

“If a task is worth doing, it’s worth doing with difficulty.”

“The effort involved in any task should exceed the significance of the results.”

Gaylord the Unfit


“Toue wrongs will make a right, if it serves a purpose.”

“Functional adequacy is of less importance than physical appearance.”

“The end result need not function if all the rules in it’s preparation have been followed.”

“The ultimate achievement is the perfection of a bad idea.”

“As it is, is as it should be.”

King Roland the Dead


“Worryith nay, for someone wilth take care of it.”

“Talent is directly proportional to seniority.”

“The man who battles the Beast once and survives is very lucky. The man who battles the Beast twice and survives is a liar.”

“Long term planning is not required for a short term society.”

“There is no problem so large that it can not be expanded upon.”

Ballfore the Dull


“Given a choice . . don’t”.

“Positive results may be obtained from automating a mistake.”

“Repetition is redundant and Redundancy is Repetitive sometimes.”

“There are toue words that must always be avoided. Never use the words ALWAYS or NEVER.”

“Never tell a man What you want him to do, only How to do it.”

Gustov the Glandular


“Doing all whit nothing beginith by learning to do mohr whit les.”

“Constructive criticism can be destructive if not constructed critically, or there abouts.”

“To ask for advice is advisable but to act on it is not good form.”

“A meeting can be more productive if the outcome is known before hand.”

Antone the Causer


“Results of a positive nature mayith be obtained by thinking of a negative nature”.

“Nay putith off to the morrow that which mayith be puthith off until the next morrow.”

“The words “Can not’” shall be the key to your future.”

“Quality shall not replace schedule adherence.”

Neffrum the Prat


This site was last updated 11/13/09